I'm considering raising my cals to 500 today? But it's 20 to 8 and I've eaten 85 :s I don't know how to cram the rest in.
Thank you for your posts on my freakout entry. Gah. I still don't know what to do.
Monday, 4 June 2012
Plateau???
Gods! Again!! Fuck me! I'm FREAKING OUT!!! I haven't binged. I have not eaten more than like 200 cals. WHY THE FUCK HAVE I NOT LOST IN THE LAST TWO DAYS!?!?! Today I weighed and I gained a lb! But, that was weighing in the middle of the day, I can't help it. This morning I weight 0.2 more than yesterday. I KNEW this would happen. Right after my fucking period, I gain and it sticks! WHY!?! I continue losing during, but after?? I didn't cave, I didn't binge, or even eat one bad thing during my period. I don't deserve this. I've been good damnit! I did as I was told! My ED is going to lie to me too now? Fuck this.
I'm sorry for the rant. I just don't know what to do.
I would tell other people to eat, to raise their metabolism. But, I also realise how hard that can be, especially when you're 'on a roll', like I'm not that hungry! Why ruin it now?
Should I go the other way and completely fast? Should I juice fast? Raise my exercise? *Every* 7-10 lbs, I plateau. I *cannot* afford to plateau right now. Maybe I should suck it the fuck up and eat a granola bar. But, hell I don't wanna get out of control and eat a whole box! It could happen. I'm all or nothing, always have been, always will be. And I'd have to purposely go out and by them and that would feel so wrong.
Someone give me the answer?
Gods, I feel pathetic!
I'm sorry for the rant. I just don't know what to do.
I would tell other people to eat, to raise their metabolism. But, I also realise how hard that can be, especially when you're 'on a roll', like I'm not that hungry! Why ruin it now?
Should I go the other way and completely fast? Should I juice fast? Raise my exercise? *Every* 7-10 lbs, I plateau. I *cannot* afford to plateau right now. Maybe I should suck it the fuck up and eat a granola bar. But, hell I don't wanna get out of control and eat a whole box! It could happen. I'm all or nothing, always have been, always will be. And I'd have to purposely go out and by them and that would feel so wrong.
Someone give me the answer?
Gods, I feel pathetic!
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Smoke and Mirrors...
...So, I can't *see* my weightloss in the mirror. Sometimes, I can see it, a bit, when I'm walking past a shop window... Just a little loss. Every other second of the day, I see fat.
So, anyway, I remembered that I took measurements a month and a half or so ago.. So, I searched frantically for them, finally I found them, took my measurements now and it seems I've lost inches (at least 1 or more), on my hips, waist around my stomach, my thighs, and come cm's on my knee and calves.. I didn't think to do my bust or arms :s but, maybe I will today.
I guess this is validating in a way. At least something is changing. I'm getting smaller. Still huge, but not as huge. The infinite space around me is getting larger.
I don't feel so hungry today, just really, really tired. I want to sleep all day. I was hoping the exercise yesterday would help with that. I was taking liporexall (diet pill), and I'm almost out (and this is bc my partner kicked up a fuss and wanted to take it too, took it for about a week, then stopped, it's really expensive stuff and she just fucking wasted it.. I have a solution for that, but I can't type here, incase she's reading).. It was quite the stimulant I guess, which is probably why I'm feeling so tired. I just hope the b12 mix is enough to keep my metabolism up.
Yesterday, I started thinking of cake and scones and granola bars, damnit. I think I've pushed them far enough out of my head now though, I hope..
Wish me luck xxx
So, anyway, I remembered that I took measurements a month and a half or so ago.. So, I searched frantically for them, finally I found them, took my measurements now and it seems I've lost inches (at least 1 or more), on my hips, waist around my stomach, my thighs, and come cm's on my knee and calves.. I didn't think to do my bust or arms :s but, maybe I will today.
I guess this is validating in a way. At least something is changing. I'm getting smaller. Still huge, but not as huge. The infinite space around me is getting larger.
I don't feel so hungry today, just really, really tired. I want to sleep all day. I was hoping the exercise yesterday would help with that. I was taking liporexall (diet pill), and I'm almost out (and this is bc my partner kicked up a fuss and wanted to take it too, took it for about a week, then stopped, it's really expensive stuff and she just fucking wasted it.. I have a solution for that, but I can't type here, incase she's reading).. It was quite the stimulant I guess, which is probably why I'm feeling so tired. I just hope the b12 mix is enough to keep my metabolism up.
Yesterday, I started thinking of cake and scones and granola bars, damnit. I think I've pushed them far enough out of my head now though, I hope..
Wish me luck xxx
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