Gained...

I FUCKING SUCK!!!

I'm so sorry :(

I gained 7 lbs back *CRIES*

I refused food for a day... and cleaned for 8.5 hours.. but then today and yesterday were a write off. Something around 1000 cals *cries*

*FAT FUCKING PIG BITCH!!!* Deserted again.

I'm sorry to post for the first time in a week and be so damn depressive.

I know that some of you are doing really badly... I so hope things get better again. Trust me.. not eating, feels better than eating, right now, bc you just beat yourself up even more for eating. Fuck. (No, I'm NOT saying don't eat).

Ruby, I love you honey, hang in there x

Rayya, love you too x

Sorry...

Hey everyone,

I'm so sorry that I didn't get a chance to post before leaving for England... And I've been so rushed since, that I just haven't had the chance to post.. I've managed to read a couple of blogs.. hoping to catch up a bit soon..

I'm doing terribly. I'm miserable atm :(

They're stuffing me like a roasted pig! Fucking chips! (like, fries!) With EVERYTHING! Like fuck, ever heard of salad!?!! No! Just salad CREAM! *Cries* Unfortunately, as a result, I'm stuffing myself too =/ I'm in binge mode again, GODS HELP ME!!! Fuck, if I didn't come here, I'd still be doing SO well. I know it. I was SO determined. The last time I was that determined, I almost died. *Sigh* Without a scale, I have no reward or incentive to keep going when the numbers get lower.. and no accountability or fear when the scales go up. I am shitting bricks every time I eat, but that 'binge' voice keeps pushing everything back... Where did 'ana' go!?!? Did I fucking leave her behind? Did she get lost on the way!?! HELP!

I'm sorry to post and throw this out there... I'm sorry I'm shit.