*Warning - very angry rant*
I don't have the energy to explain fully right now, but I'm reeling right now. I was browsing the net and found an online E.D chat and forum. To my surprise, I see my partners most used online alias in the members list. I thought, 'no, can't be her'.. but, I read some posts from this person. It was her. Now, I know I have bitched about her here, but I don't think I've put her down. I let people know that she's a good mom, when what I said made it seem otherwise... I read this huge rant about me on this forum. Now, I know she deserves a place to bitch about me, but fucking bitch about me she did! She told everyone how fat (that I'm overweight) and lazy I am. That I spend all my time on my blog with a bunch of strangers. WTF?? You girls are not strangers to me, sorry, but that's the way it is. JEALOUSY! She said that I don't care about her or my son. That I use drugs (I haven't used in a while now, I'm actually doing quite well and Ruby-tuesday has been a really good inspiration for me there). She made it seem like I use drugs everyday, after I (apparently) get up at 1/2 pm! I have S.A.D, yes I hibernate in the winter, I become a night owl, I try, but it's hard. With the sun coming out, I am coming out too. I haven't gotten up that late in a while. She also knew about my addiction before we even became close as friends, let alone anything else!
She proceeded to say that she loves me and would die without me, but that she hates me as much as she loves me and often wishes that I would go back to the UK and leave them both alone. MY SON!! If she thinks I am just going to lose my son, then FUCK HER! Yes she is the main caregiver, this wasn't my choice. She has the fucking boobs with the fucking milk and I can't change that and I offered to take fucking pills and breastfeed alongside her but she said it was fucking weird. Then changed her fucking mind (as she usually does and thinks it's okay) after he was born and expects me to jump up and change with her, sorry but I would feel weird now, because you told me it was weird. BITCH!!!
I TOLD her I wasn't ready for a baby, she cried and bitched and whined and CRIED because she was getting too 'old'. I told her she needed to give up smoking before we went ahead, she did NOT do that. She promised. Our son, unfortunately, wasn't made with love. We were arguing. I (sorry) inseminated her begrudgingly. She was going to call and cancel the donor coming. THAT is how she got pregnant. And she doesn't tell them that side of things. Just that he was planned, it wasn't a surprise, that I should do more.
She said that it looks like the relationship is coming to and end. ERM EXCUSE ME BUT WHEN DID YOU PLAN ON TELLING ME THIS!?!?!? AFTER A MILLION PEOPLE ONLINE HAVE READ IT!?!?!? CRIES. I am SO fucking hurt and ANGRY right now. FUCK HER. I'll show her. I'm GONE! We'll go to England. I'll show Jayden off and then she can take him back and fucking ditch me like everyone else, because I am NOT coming back here! She has NO idea what it's been like for me with NO family to speak of. NO support but HER. No fucking friends, because she was too damn jealous around the time of my only opportunity to make some. When I would go out, she would ruin the whole fucking time by texting me every 2 fucking minutes. HATE!?!?! You HATE me!? Hate is a STRONG word and you cannot take that back. I have NEVER hated her. But right now? Right now I HATE her too.
This is why you don't touch me. Like I have the plague. Because I am FAT and LAZY.
I trusted her. I relied on her, because I loved her, because there was no one else once I was here, because she wanted me here... away from everything and everyone that I knew. To what? Hurt me? Leave me? Like everyone else. FUCK YOU!
FUCKING LYING HYPOCRITIC FUCKING BITCH!!!!
Hah. And you know what's funny? She tells them her BMI is 29, like fuck is it. She tells them she doesn't eat. She tells them she is fasting. Like FUCK! She eats like a damn PIG! ARE YOU READING THIS!?!?!? YOU EAT LIKE A DAMN PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I HATE YOU!!!! CRIES I HATE YOU. I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO MY FAMILY, I CAN'T TRUST YOU!!
I'm done with food. I'm done. I just want to disappear. I'll die this way and it will be long and painful and you will have to watch and one day, when I'm gone, you will know why. I can't go back now either. I can't live without my son. Unfortunately, I can't live without you either. It will take a long time, because I'm FAT and LAZY. So maybe you'll leave first, since you're apparently planning to anyway. I gave up EVERYTHING FOR YOU. You may not think it was much, but it was MY everything and that is more than enough.
Apparently, I did have the energy.
O my life. You have spoken about her but not put a real bad word against her - you have never put her down so bad on this blog, I bitch about my bf way more than you bitch about your gf!! WTH I wish I could give you a big hug right now, how could she betray you in such a way when you have given up your whole life for her!? I am so angry right now too so I can only imagine what you are feeling.
ReplyDeleteNo hun, you dont want to die from this. You have to live, for your son if not anyone else..
I am so sorry that she has spoken like that to you and that she feels it is ending, hate is a very very strong word, are you going to confront her about it? And would you really leave her to come back home? could you? I know you say you have no life there, but moving back will be a big step.
I support you a hundred percent all the way, whatever you choose to do, this "stranger" cares about you very much.
Lots of love <3 Stay strong xxx
I agree. You have never put her down in any way on your blog.
ReplyDeleteI t must've been so hurtful to find this so I can't imagine what you're going through. Hopefully she was just venting and didn't mean a word of what she wrote. None of it is one bit true anyway. I hope you're not feeling too bad, you are doing so well, don't let this derail you. She probably has no idea how hard it is to stop taking drugs and just said that stuff flippantly. You know we are all here and support you 100%.
This stranger also has much love for you xxx
Dont say that you want to die , just because of the bitch you are with. You are young an beautiful and nothing matters more than your son, even her. There is a lot of people living separate life with children and sometimes it's even better for the family. Would you rather fight with your partner around your son, or have nice relationship with someone else, with care and love and support and having your child growing in love and peace. I'm very sorry and sad because of what happened, it shouldn't happened and I understand your anger and how hurt you are now but it might be the best solution to live, for your own peace of mind and your son.
ReplyDeletelove xoxo
sorry I meant leave not live:P
ReplyDeletexoxo
I am sorry you had to find that and read it. That must have been hard to do. I hope things can work themselves out I have spent all morning reading your blog so I can say you are very nice to her!! It makes me wonder how often people lie on those forms I use to belong to one but there was a girl that was just a bit smaller than me but as tall as me claiming she weighted 100 lbs...to hell is she did. I could not see spin, very much ribs she had big meaty arms. I got sick of it and left cause of her lies.
ReplyDelete